Here Comes 30!

Husband and Wife Minus a Few Organs

2011-03-23T13:43:00.002-05:00

And then they returned. Two years almost to the day since they had left. Back at the hosptial for more body part removals. This time it was Kelly's turn to draw the straw. He had his appendix removed yesterday afternoon. Funny to think two years ago it was me in that bed laid up from thyroid removal. Guess he and I really just don't like keeping our organs in our body or whatever.

On average in 10 years of being together we've made about 187 trips to the hospital for one reason or another (minus three parents and all). But visits where one of us was in the bed keep us at about once every 2 years... almost statistically. So I guess given the math, we were due?

Praying for a speedy recovery for him to get back on his feet quickly. I am currently doing the whole working virtually stuff and trying to not fail at job, mother, wife, etc. Things like wishing it hadn't snowed a foot last night... and additionally, how does this damn snow blower work anyway? Have you ever heard of heart attach snow? The stuff that's so wet and heavy it will give you one just from shovling? On that note, its a good thing I am at the hospital already. Athough, the law of averages will tell me not to expect to be back in bed myself until 2013.

So, see you in a few years Unity. Keep the light on for us.

This is your life

2011-03-16T15:16:00.003-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling that the events which helped to shape you actually kind of left you pretty screwed up?

I do. All of the time.

When I talk about my life with people who are just getting to know me, things kind of come out in snippets. And then there's generally this moment when the bigger picture starts to reveal itself and this new friend kind of gives that look like, "wow. really?" and I sort of stammer around the issues and am like "tada! yep that's me!" And they process it, which causes me to process it, yet again. As if I don't fixate on things enough on my own.

So this happened in part yesterday. And it left me in that same familiar place. Where I think about the messed up situations I've been in. The just general fucked-up-ness that is my overall life. And I am left wondering, what permanent damage has been done? Am I screwed up? If I was, would I even know? I sort of feel like talking to a therapist about this kind of thing. But then again, the idea of that kind of also pisses me off. Like screw you life! You will not drive me down that path. I will persevere on my own.

But than I feel like, I'm really not screwed up. And my life isn't total crap. Its just kind of had a few bad runs. And I think about "this is your life" and if I was on that game show and presented with the circumstances of it what would be my summary? Shall I wail away on a couch in a corner office about how crappy things can be? Or be the "strong one" one more time.

I'll choose strength. But that gets kind of annoying too. I know, I simply can't be pleased. I think the problem with strength is that it often gets misunderstood. That because we can manage, we somehow care less? I posted on facebook about a friend the other day something about strength. "Those that are perceived to be the strong ones still need a hand to lift their burdens. Therefore, do not mistake strength and perseverance as a desire to go it alone. Sometimes the strong ones need the most love as they are left to carry on alone."

I don't really have a point to the end of this post. Just some random thoughts in my head. Other than to say, think about the strong ones sometime soon. Think about what they might have been through and overcame in their life. Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease... but if you never oil the other one, it might fall off.

Big Week Done

2011-02-05T12:55:00.003-06:00

"They can because they think they can." - Virgil

This was a big week of presentations for me. My week was literally book ended with me being on the stage speaking. I'm not in love with public speaking. But I did it, because I had faith in myself that I could.

Some people even told me I did a good job. So hey.. either I did o.k. or they are blowing smoke up my you know what. Either way... I'm good with it. :)

So what is my gift for accomplishing this? I'm sick. Either still or again. Not really sure any more. I've been fighting a cold for a while. And I thought I was getting better. But honestly, I think my body was just holding in there long enough to complete this week. Because almost immediately at 4 p.m. on Friday I just crashed and haven't recovered as of yet on Saturday.

So here's to being off the stage and on the NyQuil. :) peace out.

See Ya 2010!

2010-12-30T12:03:00.002-06:00

I have not the time nor the desire to document every single awesome thing that happened in twenty-ten. I've got two little hellions out in the other room to play with.

So I am just popping in here to wish all a happy new year and remind yourself to be thankful for every experience that you had this past year be it good or bad.

I don't make true resolutions for the new year, but there are a few things I'd like to accomplish in 2011. I'd say this is more of a bucket list than a resolution list.

1. Complete my first warrior dash
2. Run a half marathon
3. Attempt a winter sport
4. Have hair long enough to make a ponytail

And now for my "un-resolutions". :)
1. Clean my silverware caddy more often. I looked in there yesterday and it is nasty as hell.
2. Wear cuter pajamas to bed. I seriously must look like a homeless person to my husband.

Here's to wishing you all a happy and healthy 2011.

Therapy Update

2010-12-02T16:25:00.002-06:00

Max has been in therapy for probably 2.5 months or so. And I am so thankful for it! His speech therapist has been fantastic. He is now doing what they call "intentional two word combinations". So things like "juice mama" when he wants juice, and "poopy mama" when he has had a blowout diaper and has shit running down his legs. (but that's a story for another day).

I'm so proud of that little bugger and happy that we made the decision to do the work to help him. Today I am thankful for his teacher. She joins us for merely an hour at a time, but her work and wisdom are helping all the time.

Whew! I made it!

2010-11-25T08:36:00.003-06:00

After a year of trying to be more thankful, followed by a thankful BLITZ over the past month. I feel good! Its nice to spend some time every so often focusing on the good in our lives.

So, here's my top 10 for 2010!

10. Getting promoted to my new job. Its challenging, but I feel like its a good fit for me and I really enjoy it.
9. My android phone and all its awesomeness!
8. Shane is doing great in Kindergarten! I can't believe how much he has changed in just a few short weeks of school. He's becoming so smart and independent!
7. Skinny jeans. Yep, I can wear them now.
6. Max is really doing well with his therapist. He's using his words so much more often, and has almost stopped banging his head completely! So happy!! In fact, she has had 2 weeks off and I am starting to see the difference her absence makes.
5. My coffee maker.
4. My husband. He's the kind of guy who sends me flowers for no reason and puts up with my shit. I'd be lost without him.
3. Books on tape, or on iPod if you will. Someone gave me a tip to try this on my long runs instead of music, and it helped me accomplish my first 10k this year!!
2. Pumpkin. I wouldn't say I learned to love it (still can't get pumpkin pie into this girl), but I have learned that its a very useful ingredient in baked goods as a substitute for fat. Pumpkin/Apple muffins were a hit.
1. I am thankful that 2010 improved upon 2009. And hopeful that 2011 will be the same.

day 24

2010-11-24T21:43:00.002-06:00

on thanksgiving eve...i am thankful for being thankful. ive spent a year trying my best to appreciate everything i have. ive suceded and failed. but the attempt was there.

23rd

2010-11-23T14:23:00.003-06:00

Thankful today that its Friday for me. Technically its tuesday, but I am off the rest of the week. Going to go to the gym tonight, go grocery shopping, and then probably drink a lot of wine.

21st and 22nd

2010-11-22T10:21:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I was thankful for my son Shane feeling better. He's had strep and pretty much couldn't leave the house. He finally got out yesterday to the gym and then we took him to Chucky Cheese to play a few games. It was nice to see him up and about again!

Today I am thankful for the road crews that clear the path for me to travel safely. They are the first out there in the morning through sleet and ice and I'm sure they hate getting up so early and being on the roads. But I appreciate them salting everything up so that the rest of us may travel safely to our destinations. Thanks!!

19 & 20

2010-11-20T14:16:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was thankful for Friday and for 2 episodes of Dexter with Kelly. I love Friday nights in our house. They are movie nights and usually with a bottle of wine. Good stuff.

Today I am thankful for cleaning. We are doing some of the general cleaning stuff that normally doesn't get done. Like washing the glasses on display above our cabinets and touching up some paint.

Happy weekend to all!

New Blog on Weight Loss Up!

2010-11-20T12:38:00.002-06:00

I will keep blogging here about everyday stuff and thankfulness. But I started a new blog specifically in regards to weight loss.

Check it out. Its full of my own random opinions on crap. So take it for what you will. I know I am no dietitian... but its fun to write about my journey.

Enjoy.

http://goodenoughdiet.blogspot.com

Day 18 - accomplishment

2010-11-18T14:03:00.003-06:00

Thankful!! Completed a large portion of a lengthy project today. Feeling a sense of relief, pride, accomplishment, etc.

Also was talking to single co-worker about what it means to be married. And why I chose to do it/how did I know it was right. I can not put words to the ebbs and flows of a marriage adequately. There are times when you are growing together and times when you are growing apart. It is our job in making a marriage work that you are always trying to find your way back to the center. When asked if I wished I had dated longer so that I could truly KNOW the person I am marrying my question back is how long is long enough? The man I am married to today is not the man I married anymore than I am the 23 year old bride. The key is not in predicting who this person is. It is about falling in love with who they are. Kelly at 60 will not be Kelly at 30. But I can not think of a single person I am more curious to meet. You just have to enjoy the journey and be willing to change and be changed.

"Motto for the bride and groom: We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract."-- Phyllis Koss

Day 17 and an edit to yesterday

2010-11-17T10:18:00.001-06:00

So yesterday I was thankful for lunch or something like that. But I posted that BEFORE I received a half dozen beautiful roses from my husband for no reason at all. So I'd like to scratch that post and say that yesterday I was thankful for HIM! He's so awesome and I fall in love with him more every single day.

Today I am thankful to be back to working from home one day a week. I'm going to try it out and see what happens. Not sure it will work in this job or not. But so far so good!

Day 15 and 16 - apparently this is more of an every OTHER day thing

2010-11-16T08:31:00.002-06:00

Yesterday - Was thankful to have lunch with a good friend from my last job. Also go into a tickle fight with Shane and Max. the "CLAW" came out. It was a good time.

Today - thankful to be having lunch with my aunt (apparently its a lunch week or something). I am also to have avoided an accident on my way in. I had to do one of those "hard stops" where everything in my car went flying. But I didn't hit anyone and no one hit me. So alls well that ends well.

Day 13 and 14

2010-11-14T19:26:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Saturday. So pretty much I was thankful for that. Ooooh, and Nordstrom Rack was having their annual large size shoe event for big foots like me. I could have spent hours looking through all of those wonderful size 11s. I fell in love with a pair of knee high black leather lace up boots with a purple zipper running down the back. BAD ASS! Oh, and it was picture day for the O'Haras. And so pictures basically sucked, so we didn't really order that many. Max is just at a really terrible age for this sort of thing. Good news there too though. Found an awesome watch and not ordering many of said terrible pictures allowed extra cash for purchase. yay me!

Today, I am thankful for being able to attend Strike class for the first time with one of my favorite instructors at the gym. It used to be at a time I could never go to. Happy it was moved. Also thankful for the apple bread I baked and hoping folks at work enjoy.

Lastly, thankful that Christmas music is socially acceptable now that there is officially snow on the ground. Kelly says I am ruining Thanksgiving. Screw him.

Peace to all!

Day 12 - The two most important words in the English language

2010-11-12T08:15:00.000-06:00

Happy Hour!

Day 11

2010-11-11T15:31:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for having lunch with my husband. He had the day off work and came all the way out here to see me. :)

10 on 10

2010-11-10T08:48:00.002-06:00

Here's a top 10 of things I am thankful for on this tenth day of November.

I am thankful....

10. That sr. executives were not in the room yesterday when I mistakenly called a phone sex line instead of our conference call number. Everyone got a good chuckle, actually improved the vibe of the room. (no pun intended).

9. For my children's love of music.

8. That I've had time to myself (even if brief) each night this week. Its been rare.

7. For the good book I am reading. The Girl Who Played with Fire.

6. To have shared a good book with a friend. I gave her my copy of The Girl with the Dragon tattoo. I love passing books on and receiving used books.

5. For red shoes.

4. For good cheese.

3. For this warm weather. Its been just lovely this week in the midwest, and I know it will end, so I am enjoying the best I can. Didn't even wear a jacket today.

2. That Shane can read the word "stop" and spell all the letters.

1. For punish the instructor night tomorrow at the gym.

Day 8 and 9 - this is harder than I thought

2010-11-09T09:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday... zero excuse other than laziness for not posting thankfulness. That said, I had a very relaxing evening in front of the boob tube catching up on 3 eps of Desperate Housewives. So... there's that. Thankful for not working last night. Eating dinner with my family, and just relaxing. Also thankful for getting back on Weight Watchers. Need to lose this last 10 lbs.

Today, I am thankful for a clean work day. My first meeting isn't until 11!!!!! So, going to actually get some stuff done this morning... and the direct benefit of that is the fact I got to watch 2 hours of T.V. last night.

You'd think that given my sudden schedule break I'd use my new found free time to do something productive huh? You don't know me very well. :)

Day 5, 6, and 7 - Internet Probelms Eddition

2010-11-07T13:45:00.003-06:00

Yeah, yeah... don't say it. But my excuse is valid. We've been having internet and phone problems this weekend. So... here goes.

Day 5 - Most thankful of all! I was so thankful that I didn't have time to post. Was too busy loving my birthday boy like crazy. I took a half day and hung out with Max and cooked and got ready for his party. Was thankful (and am everyday) to have him as my son.

Day 6 - Saturday was Max's birthday party. There was much to be thankful for but these two things stand out. Thankful that we had wonderful friends and family over. And they showed so much love to our son. And thankful that there were no major child meltdowns. Its a good birthday party when everyone leaves with dry eyes. :)

Day 7 - Today I am thankful for just one thing. I turned the computer on to work... and suddenly realized there's no work to be done. Now, I'm sure if I really sat and thought I could come up with something to work on. But nothing needs doing immediately, so I am going to watch the football game. I kind of feels weird not working on the weekend.

Day 4

2010-11-04T08:39:00.001-05:00

Today I am thankful for a couple of things. I am home (well technically right now I am at work). But I am in Minnesota and I don't need to travel again until December. YAY!

I'm also thankful to have finished a really good book. Took a while for me to get into The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, but I recomened it.

Lastly, I am thankful to have a cute new sweater on today. Nice quality for a cheap price. Can't beat that with a stick now can you?

3 on 3

2010-11-03T09:17:00.004-05:00

Today I am thankful for 3 things on day 3 of the thankful blitz.

1. Hauled my ass out of bed this morning and ran. Felt good to move my body... been slacking lately.

2. I'm thankful to have the opportunity to be the key agenda speaker at a presentation today. I'm excited and nervous and hope to do well.

3. Thankful to be going home tonight and not traveling again until December.

Peace out peeps!

Do the Thankful Blitz!!

2010-11-02T10:24:00.003-05:00

About a year ago I set out to make this blog a place for me to show what I was thankful for. Its so easy to spend much of our lives complaining and wishing things away. It can be hard to sort through all the clutter and really appreciate what we have, the people we love, and who we are.

I started off with the best of intentions and all. I was pretty good there for a while. But life got the best of me and I ended my year mostly bitching and not "thankfully" checking in as often as I would have liked.

So, seeing as it is November and the time of thankfulness. . . . I am going to try and do a thankful blitz. Every day from now and until Thanksgiving day I will post at least one thing that I am thankful for. It might be just a one liner (sometimes that's all I have time for). But a time to check in anyway.

Day 1 - yesterday (see I'm already behind). Monday I was thankful for getting my hair done. I had some massive roots going and now I'm all cute again.

Day 2 - today (there, I caught up). Today I am thankful for having dinner with my cousin Anne tonight in Dallas. Hoping to go somewhere yummy!!

Hello Sanity, It's Me. Liz.

2010-10-20T19:16:00.004-05:00

Hi.

How've you been? Its been too long buddy. I miss you. I wish we could get together more often you know. But you know how it is. Work's been more than incredibly busy, the kids are ramped up in their school, Shane has Sunday school and hockey and Kelly's out of town and I'm out of town. So you know, add a little laundry, birthday party planning, gym time, did I say work was busy?, and dishes, dinner making, cleaning, and reading, and work, and practicing letters, rhyming, chasing a dog who won't come in, and vacuuming, dusting, and writing, and WORK!, and well... we just don't get that much time together now do we?

Well, just know that I'm thinking about you and hope we see each other soon.

Love, Liz

I swear I am thankful... I promise.

2010-10-05T08:15:00.003-05:00

I know. I know. Its supposed to be every week - documenting what I am thankful for each week. I am seriously back logged. Between work travel, personal travel, business with kids and husband.... I just have so MUCH to be thankful for that I haven't had time to write about it.

So here's a data dump of thankfulness for you.

Shane started hockey and really likes it. He's helping his friends and is trying his best. Just awesome.
Max started school and we are really learning some good techniques to help with with his frustration.
Kelly and I got out of dodge last weekend to go on a fall color tour up in northern mn.
Kelly made some awesome homemade crab cakes and a spicy tartar sauce. OMG!
I got to go onto the field during a Twins game!
Shane has his first school pictures tomorrow. He's got a fresh haircut and his clothes picked out.
Max is learning all kinds of new words. He now says thank you and sorry. But the best is that when I say "I love you", he says "too".
The weather has been fantastic. I am running a race on Saturday with Shane and we are expecting great weather.

All in all its been a great few weeks and it will only get better. Now I am off to Atlanta for work. Going to miss my boys, but will be having a great family weekend when I return.

Peace out!

Music Review - The Black Keys

2010-09-10T08:22:00.004-05:00

Crappiest movie eva? Black Snake Moan. Really, it was pretty much total crap. But it peaked Kelly's interest in a band neither of us had heard of that played the sound track. The Black Keys. They are sort of a rock blues style band. And boy did I dislike them.

So then you know the "recommended songs" thing on itunes? Well one day it recomended a song to me by the Black Keys that I really liked so I bought it. The thought never having occurred to me that this was the same band. So I'm playing it one day and Kelly over hears and points this out to me. "you said you didn't like them". So I went on an exploratory mission. I put all of their songs that Kelly had on my iPod with the mission to decide if I like them or not.

And I do. And I don't.

They are very hit and miss for me. I would say that I like maybe 50% of their songs? But they are kind of growing on me like a fungus. At its minimum, they at least make me want to hear more. The ironic thing is that one of the things I dislike about them is how all of their music just sort of blends together. A lot of songs all sound the same.

Two things I find interesting about that fact.

1. I say they are hit and miss yet all of their songs sound the same. How can this be? I think it's two things (apparently I have a thing for twos). First is that the 50% of songs I do like by them tend to be more or at least in my mind are more stand out from the rest songs. Good or bad to someone else, they SOUND different. So it strikes a cord for me. The second being that music is such an emotional experience its really hard to articulate why two sounds that at the surface sound the same can be experienced so so differently. Could be that the beats are generally the same but that the words (the poetry of the song) strike a different mood. Who knows.

2. The invention of the iPod. A wonderful thing indeed. I love it. But realized that it takes away one significant thing from experiencing music for me. Especially when I try and go back to a band after the fact that has a full catalog of music and many albums. What I miss out on is experiencing that band album by album and song by song as they progress in their career. To see how they change and evolve. the shuffle setting on my iPod only gives me brief glimpses into this band in no particular order. I bet cash money that I would say something more articulate about how their songs are different had I experienced them sequentially and back to back. There's something missing in the ability for an album to tell a story song after song that and ipod just can't touch.

So all in all, happy with Black Keys and am becoming more interested the more I hear.

13.1?

2010-09-06T15:45:00.003-05:00

Miles that is. Do you think I can run that far? Or rather, do I think I can run that far?

I just finished off two 7 mile runs in about 48 hours. (In between that time I of course polished off about 4 fried oreos, some cheese curds, and a brat... but that's what happens when you bookend a trip to the state fair with two long runs. Maybe, I offset the caloric damage slightly).

So back to the topic. I did the couch to 5k program last summer and next weekend will be my first 5k race anniversary. What do you get for that? First anniversary is paper huh? In this past year I've ran 3 official races and many many many enjoyable 5k runs through my neighborhood. I just signed up for a 10k which will be the second weekend of October. I had assumed it would take me a while to train for this after the winter break (I REFUSE to distance train on a treadmill). But as I set out to run this weekend (after slowing up my pace, as my personal trainer suggested) I completed the distance on my own twice already.

Once I accomplish something I need a new mission to keep me in progress. I'm like a cat chasing a laser pointer. Once I get it I can't really play with it after all. But if you keep it just ahead of me, I'll keep trying to grab that little sucker. Should a half marathon be my next step? I'm just not sure I'd have the time to commit to all the long runs needed. I run really f'ing slow so for me to hit 7-8 miles it requires a good hour and a half. With so many other things going on, I'm just not so sure. But then again........?

What if you could do anything you wanted?

2010-09-02T16:06:00.004-05:00

What if you could. What if money, or inhibitions, or location, or anything for that matter didn't stand in your way. What would you do? How would this change your life? and how can you act upon those things today, anyway, despite these limitations?

This occurred to me last night (btw. insomnia. sucks.)

How can I take "my dream life" and start it now. So what would I do, if I could do anything? Assuming nothing. As in things from the 40s would still be super popular. Remember cause there are no limitations?

Don't laugh.

I'd be a lounge singer. Like straight up laying across a piano in an evening gown in a bar with a martini lounge singer.

Nope. Can't sing.

So, is it the singing, the atmosphere, the pure "being around music" of it all? What populates this image in my mind?

I think its the music. I miss being around music. And the fancy clothes. Because, seriously, when does a mother of 2 research associate really get to wear a slinky sequined dress? Pretty much never.

ANYWAY... My goal going forward? To live my life to a beat. To make music a bigger part of my life like it used to be. I once dreamed of being a music reviewer for a paper. So that my job could be to just listen to music and tell others about it. That's almost up there, by the way, with the lounge singer in terms of dream life and all. But lounge singer eeks out by a margin. It's just kind of a fancier mental image.. but I digress.

I am going to check out some new music each week (to the best of my ability) and think about it. If I'm engaged enough maybe I'll even write about it. Time permitting. But I will try to make music a bigger part of my life again.

This week I am thankful for music and its connection between me and my kids. Max's a little head banger and loves any kind of rock that I will play. It is so damn cute watching him. I've gotten it on video a few times, but lately he won't let me. He stops every time I fire up the camera an stares at me like "what ma? Man, you are such a dork".

Shane loves music too. He's even starting to get his own songs downloaded to my ipod. Which is interesting to say the least. When I have it on shuffle I go running and start off to like a Michael Jackson or Band of Horses song, and end up on "My Goody To Shoes Brother" by the evil Dr. Dobisbordork from Phinneas and Ferb. Which is just kinda..Weird.

The other night I sat down at the piano with Shane and helped him play a very basic song. I realized that I missed reading the sheet music.

Yup. Super big dork.

Qualified.

2010-08-18T16:23:00.003-05:00

Max had his evaluation Monday and Tuesday of this week. He was an awesome little trooper and sat through the endless "place this peg in here, can you point to the dog in this picture, can you show me the cup"... bla bla.

Well, if you score 77 or below on any of their 5 measures you qualify for special education assistance. The five being motor skills, verbal skills, cognitive skills, emotional social skills, and ability to adapt.

Max scored a 76 on cognitive and 75 i believe on ability to adapt. Which basically says that he's "borderline". It literally says that. Borderline to what exactly I am not sure.

Got to say that its easier this time around. Since I am personally familiar with the early intervention system. My older son went through at this age for totally different reasons. It fills you with a mix of disappointment, hopefulness, and support.

First disappointment. Because its like really, what kind of a fucked job am I doing as a mom that both of my kids have ended up needing "extra help"? Then there's this sense of dread like --- is there something else greater going wrong here? I still remember like an open wound when they mentioned they thought Shane might be autistic. Note to all future early intervention specialists out there. Don't just throw that word around please. It causes many sleepless nights.

Its not all disappointment, most of that is self directed. Like if I only spent a few more hours a day teaching him sign language or 12 month old flash cards or "YOUR BABY CAN READ"... But the hopefulness is outwardly directed. As I said, I am familiar with the system and it works. I don't know if its the teacher or the extra attention, or simply the value of time and he would have progressed on his own in that year anyway. But either way, he progressed. Sugar pill or not my kid is mainstreamed and entering kindergarten in the fall. My younger son will benefit as well. And I for one am excited to see him blossom in the programs they offer.

Lastly the support. These teachers get it and talking to them is like getting a big giant hug. And guess who Max's teacher is going to be? Lindsay, shane's teacher from years ago. There's no judgement and their only care in the world during our visits is the progression of my kid. Its a rare and beautiful thing indeed to get that kind of one on one support.

So is qualifying a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know. I guess both. You just want the very very best for them you know. And in this case I am grateful that since he's "qualified" he will get it.

Turning In My Homework

2010-08-04T20:07:00.004-05:00

My life is Crazy with a capital C right now. Haven't had much time to sit and digest what I am really thankful for right now. I had 5 min this evening and I am forcing myself to use it for this purpose instead of sitting and blankly staring out the window like I kind of would like to do.

So, what am I thankful for this week? UGH. I just wrote a whole two paragraph entry but it sounded all whinny and irritating. So its gone to backspace hell. Or backspace heaven. We'll never know.

So, what am I thankful for this week? My first presentation to my team. For two reasons.

1. once its presented I can stop working on the presentation. I sort of get into presentation paralysis with these things. I keep tweaking and editing and formatting and moving this one icon millimeters to the left because it kind of might look better there. I get bogged down in the minutia of it all. And its a law of diminishing returns. Investing 10% more than the next person will return a 100% better report. But investing 90% more than I already did really doesn't add to the party. Besides, I think I do this in some ways to avoid thinking about the bigger picture of what this research exists to serve. In many ways, changing fonts and moving boxes around a page is just so much easier to deal with. So, actually having the presentation forces me to step back and think about this "thing" in the context of what are we actually going to do with it all. Ya know? And makes me stop fiddling with it.

Second reason, its my first presentation to my team. This is my chance to kind of show what I can do with limited background on a project I didn't field and that I am taking up in the last quarter of the game and running with it. Its a chance to make my stamp. That does make me happy. Its really the first time I'll be "turning in my homework" so-to-speak. So hopefully they'll see what they've been paying me for and all that. I feel like I've created a good deck and I am happy to share the results.

Plus, ya know... I'll be thankful when its over. :P

Peace out peeps. Remember to take 5 and be thankful. I need to be reminded of this also.

Top 10 Best Things Ever to Cross These Lips

2010-07-30T12:29:00.000-05:00

This was sooooo hard! To boil it down to only 10. Maybe I'll have to do a v2.0 sometime to capture everything else I can think of. Besides, I'm pretty sure I could do an exclusive drink list anyway... Cabernet, Diet Coke, Hazelnut Latte....

I should point this list is in no particular order.

10. This sort of open faced pork taco thing I had in Bolivia. I tried to figure out what its called, but I am not running across anything right now.

9. Calamari from La Grolla in St. Paul Mn. Everything I've ever had there is fantastic, but the calamari is stand out awesome! And a must order! http://www.lagrollastpaul.com/

8. My very own homemade chex mix. Trust me, it turned my self-professed anti-chex mix husband into a believer. I add a secret ingredient. And no it's not "love".

7. Cheese popcorn from Minocqua Popcorn in Minoqua, WI. Their website says "One taste is all it takes". Hell yeah! Its a must stop for me every year on our annual camping trip. http://www.minocquapopcorn.com/

6. My Grandma Nordquist's Tuna Noodle Hotdish. It was always awesome. And always had crushed potato chips ontop. I still remember the bowl it was served in.

5. My husband's Cuban Pulled Pork sandwiches. OMG!! The sauce is simply to die for. That's all I can say.

4. A chocolate martini. And while any chocolate martini is better than no chocolate martini, I do have to say that over the years I've perfected my own recipe and prefer it. I've even been known to assist the occasionally untrained bartender in my methods.

3. Blueberries. I used to hate them. Its funny how taste buds do change over the years and I've learned to love them. My Mom used to say that, "you'll learn to love it!". and I was all, "um... you either you like or you don't Mom. WTF". Expect we didn't have texty WTF language back then. At any rate, it's true. You can expose yourself to something and over time, you may learn to love it. I started eating them simply for the health benefits. But now, I can't get enough of the little suckers. There's hope for my kids yet!

2. Taco John's Potato Oles. Because, come on. Lets not act like I'm all sophisticated and stuff.

1. My Dad's homemade croutons. As simple as they seemed, they were so awesome! And its one of those things I wished I had taken the time to learn how to make before he died. I remember when he started trying to make them. As he perfected his craft, we got to eat the rejects by the bowl-full like chips. So garlicy and delicious! He was a great cook in general, but the croutons are one thing I really do miss.

Monkey Bird's Getting a Clipping

2010-07-30T08:44:00.003-05:00

My sweet little monkey bird is getting his mullet cut this weekend. No more blond curls on the back of his head for him. I always have a hard time with the first haircut. They just don't look the same afterwards. They look so grown-up! But I promised my husband that if Max ever started getting mistaken for a girl, I'd breakdown and schedule the damn appointment. Well, twice in the last week he's gotten the "girl" comment from well meaning old people. Don't they realize they are totally screwing me over!!??

So off comes the curls. And I bet they will be replaced by a grown-up boy looking boy! Instead of my little toddler.

So this week I am thankful for my monkey bird. He's a crazy one, that boy. He keeps me on my toes and just when I think he's not paying attention he surprises me with his smarts. He loves to dance, he's starting to sing (or squawk, but lets not get specific). He LOVES balls. And I mean L-O-V-E... LOVES them. He can spot a ball in a picture from a mile away and will NOT stop talking about it. "mamma, ball!.... mama!!! Ball!!!" and he'll continue to get louder until I recognize that "yes, that is in fact a ball, now lets finish putting your socks on."

He's not big on the pool yet. I think its more that he hates being contained in the floaty device (he HATES being contained) than the water. So that's alright. He mostly enjoys spending his time outside keeping me running after him as he tries to scale the fence, climb the deck, or run out into traffic.

He loves to get tickles and always wants to come "up! mamma up!" when I am sitting on the couch. He loves blueberries and hotdogs. And still chugs milk like he's in a drinking contest. He still loves his burp rags too. If we keep the door to his room open, he'll slowly drag out every single one we own into the living room and then pretend to go "ni-night" on the floor with them.

Good-bye baby curls! Hello big boy monkey bird. Mamma loves you!!

Letting Go

2010-07-09T08:11:00.004-05:00

What is your greatest accomplishment as a parent? Is it something BIG, like teaching them something you never thought you could do? Raising them through a trying time? Is it something small, like getting them to the bus on time each day or making sure they brush their teeth?

In the middle of all the craziness of parenthood, do you stop to thank yourself for everything you do? The sleepless nights during teething? The fact that its been a few weeks since you've had time to shave your legs? The dinner you throw on the table every night, even if sometimes its from a box or a drive through?

We all have that moment when we think, "gosh, these kids are so hosed, they have me as a parent". Or that we just have no clue how to navigate our way through whatever life has thrown at us. Last night as Max lay awake screaming for the second night in a row, I turned to Kelly and asked a very poignant, "what do we do NOW?" That feeling of not knowing doesn't seem to end. But we keep pushing through, because, those are our kids and we are their parents.

So in that respect, I think my greatest accomplishment as a parent is letting go. I have a pretty harsh personality in some ways. I am very particular. I like order and cleanliness. I HATE when things are unplanned or out of place. I can be very stubborn. ---- o.k. I AM very stubborn. happy?

Insert children. - yeah, they kind of make the above pretty hard to sustain don't they? They are big balls of disorder and messiness and unplanned-for-surprises! And though I am certainly no laid back person.... I do think I can say that the true gift my children have given me is the ability to chill the fuck out. I let go. My house is never clean. I never get it all done. For me, the accomplishment is not is the task completion but the lack of it.

This week, be thankful for your mad parenting skillz! Even if sometimes you think you don't have them. You do.

Long Weekends

2010-07-01T16:13:00.003-05:00

Today I am thankful that I have a long 4 day weekend this weekend. I get to hang with my best buddy one of those days, and the rest will be spent chilling with the family. Sounds like a recipe for success if you ask me.

I need the relaxation.

Mommy / Kid Time

2010-06-26T08:05:00.002-05:00

Kelly is camping with his college buddies, getting drunk and stinky in the woods. So its a momma and the boys weekend. We have no plans other than to hit the gym and to get Shane's haircut (no, I am not ready to cut Max's hair yet).

Its nice not to have plans and to just relax with my kids. I'd love if the weather turned around and we were able to play outside some.

So here's to a guys weekend for Kelly, and me.

Dad

2010-06-20T08:09:00.003-05:00

There are few things more important in life then a relationship with your Dad. My kids have an awesome Dad. He's their buddy, but not just a friend. He's strict, but spontaneous.

I miss my Dad. He wasn't always the greatest, but let's be honest neither was I. I know for a fact that I got my work ethic from my Dad. For every problem in life that I came to him with ... from fixing a toy to a bad boyfriend. His response, "well...figure it out." In other words, come to me with solutions, not problems and then we'll talk. This isn't to say I had to go it alone. But that I couldn't expect him to hold my hand through all that life threw at me. And I really appreciate that.

I once said to a friend when Shane was a baby, "oh my God, I can't believe I have a kid!" and though happy for me she was careful to point out "you actually don't have a kid. You're just renting him for 18 years". How profound is that!? Seriously, our job as parents is not to hold the hands of our kids through life. But to raise them to be successful people. And the only way to do that is to let them "figure it out".

So, for all his faults my Dad had that right. I'm a problem solver. Because, really..there was no other choice.

I am thankful this week for Dad's everywhere. But especially my kid's Dad - in all his awesomeness. And my own Dad.

My Dad loved riddles so I'll leave you with a few that he plagued us with over the years....

You're in a room, there are two doors and two people. One always tells the truth, one always tells a lie. What one question do you ask to determine which is the door you want to go in?

Why is a man-hole cover round?

Oh the Places You Will Go!

2010-06-10T09:44:00.004-05:00

I hit the big 3-1 yesterday. In this month of transition in my job and aging, it is also my 9 year anniversary at my company. So it makes me think back on where I've come from and where I have yet to go.

I joke around a lot about trying to figure out what I want to BE when I grow-up. But, the truth is, I don't ever truly feel like a grown-up. I have responsibilities for certain. Big ones...like mortgages and growing people. But I don't look at myself and think, gosh I'm so old. So, maybe the fountain of youth is an attitude within us. If you always look to the road ahead and think, "I wonder what's next!?" with eyes wide in excitement then you'll never have to look back and think "that was it?".

So I guess I don't know what I want to be when I grow-up. I'll let you know when I get there. Until then, I am enjoying the journey I am on right now. I am in love. I am a mother. I am a researcher. I am healthy. I am probably going to have cake this weekend.

So lets be thankful for uncharted futures. Nine years ago, I would have never guessed that this is where I would be in my life and my career. Nine years from now......?

So So Thankful

2010-06-03T08:18:00.004-05:00

I'm thankful for a lot of stuff right now that I can't go into. So here are some of the things I can....

I am going camping in my new camper tomorrow. YAY!!

Max has I think two new words on the eve of his evaluation due to his "speech delay" boy will they be surprised.

You can now get a javachip frapaciuno with skim milk.

Kelly cleaned the house while I went to happy hour last night.

I got a manicure and pedicure with my best girl Elise this weekend.

My air conditioning is getting fixed today.

Our year end party at work was a success, and is finally over. :)

Peace out world.

Mental Health, Bowling, Toes, and a Bottle of Wine

2010-05-27T09:51:00.002-05:00

This week I am thankful for many things. The Lost series finale did not disappoint! We are getting our air fixed next week so my house won't be a hot box any longer. Summer hours at work start tomorrow so 1/2 day Fridays for me!!!

But here are the things that make the bigger cut. The things I am celebrating this week.

I'm taking a mental health day Friday. Dropping the kids at daycare, going to the gym, running errands, and then sitting by my friend's pool. I had some mommy guilt for like a minute. I'm all over that now.

It's my niece's 10th birthday this weekend! We are celebrating by going bowling. I'm going to make her a yummy cake and then take her to get our toes done. I love that girl so much. And she gives me my girly girl fix to boot.

Then I get to go and celebrate my good friend's 31st. I'll need a bottle of wine after my poor bowling skills and trying to help my 5 year old bowl for the first time. I can't wait to see her. I am going to cook some yummy dinner and we'll probably chat the night away.

Then its down time with the family for the rest of the weekend. We are going to do a lot of housework and maybe make a trip to the local pool. All in all, a wonderful memorial day weekend to be sure.

Have a happy, fun, and safe holiday everyone!

Peace out.

Divide and Conquer

2010-05-20T11:43:00.003-05:00

A top 10 and a thankful combo platter for you this week.

Top 10 Things I am Thankful For This Week:
10. This weather. It is simply beautiful.
9. I bought a new pair of shoes today.
8. Max had his check up yesterday and appears to be happy healthy kiddo.
7. I feel better than last week. I'm still sick, but getting better every day.
6. My lilacs look fantastic and are in full bloom!
5. My veggies are planted. I expanded my garden and now have even more variety.
4. We are having a bonfire this weekend. Our first of the season!
3. I am back to tracking my calories after a multi-week hiatus. Feels good to be in control.
2. The new Band of Horses album came out this week, so I have new songs to jam out to.
1. This weather. Its so nice I said it twice.

Peace out friends! Enjoy your week.

Friends with Benefits

2010-05-14T08:34:00.003-05:00

Dude, get your mind out of the gutter.

Last night my good friend Mark came and took a peak at my busted furnace. He works with HVAC and just a generally very handy person. I very much appreciate his help and willingness to work below the hourly wage I am sure he could be making if we weren't buddies. I'm sure he likes getting some tax free mula as well. So consider it a reciprocal friends with benefits relationship. So, this week I am thankful for Mark. I am thankful that he knows his way around a furnace and will head from Oakdale to CR when I'm all... "brr its cold in here, I don't know what to do... help!" He's a handy guy to know. But I am thankful for more than his skill as a furnace fixer. I'm thankful for the joy he has brought to my friend's life as her husband. He makes me laugh whenever I'm around him. The man can drunk dance, that's for sure! You can tell that he has a kind soul and I think that's why my kids are drawn to him like magnets. He never acts put out by them. Well, I think the furnace is a lost cause. So it looks like a new one is getting put in sometime soon. Can't think of a better person to call.

He's a friend. With benefits. He told me yesterday if the tables were turned I would do the same thing for him. So I got to thinking. My career choice doesn't really afford me the opportunity to be anyone's "friend with benefits". I don't know a whole lot of people seeking brand building advice or wanting to conduct some primary market research. And then of course, my husband doesn't really have anything to offer either... unless of course they want their ground water tested with giant drilling equipment.

Guess my friendship alone will have to suffice. 'Course if Mark ever does want to do some research on new packaging launches... he knows where to find me.

Songs I'd Like the Cast of Glee to Cover - But They Probaby Won't

2010-05-07T08:51:00.002-05:00

Here are the top 10 songs I'd like to see Glee take on. Either for true music reinvention... or just because it would be hilarious.

10. Let Me Clear My Throat - DJ Kool
9. Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash
8. Criminal - Fiona Apple
7. This Love - Pantera
6. It Hurt So Bad - Susan Tedeschi
5. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
4. Tiny Dancer - Elton John
3. Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction
2. Do You Really Want to Hurt Me - Culture Club
1. Got Your Money - ODB

Client

2010-05-06T16:15:00.002-05:00

I have some really awesome clients on my projects. I get to work for a great team of people and top it off by working for a wonderful bunch as well.

I can name something I enjoy about every single one of my clients.

There's my client that pushes me because they want the best - forces me to try my hardest.

There's the client that lets me be me... sarcastic little me. I can call him all kinds of terrible names and he knows I'm joking.

There's the client that gives a genuine thank you for your work.

There's the client that's just fun to talk with and I get a long with.

I've got a lot of busy stuff happening right now. Knowing that I have some great clients to work with makes me very thankful this week.

Green Light!!

2010-04-29T16:08:00.003-05:00

Big project is finally in field!!

Some of the work I do can be described as "big hairy projects". It takes months to get them off the ground and we all hold our breath as we wait for the first unit to ring across the register.

As of yesterday, it's in, it's selling! Now, we hold our breath and wait for the results.

I'm thankful this week that my project is in field. That I was able to assist a brand team in bringing their idea to market and ensuring the integrity of the analysis.

In on job where much of what I do is intangible.... its always fun to know that somewhere, someone is buying something I worked on.

5 Year Old, a Self Portrait

2010-04-28T15:11:00.001-05:00

Make your own free slideshow

Life according to a 5 year old with a camera

Take 5

2010-04-24T13:45:00.006-05:00

I'm thinking about starting a new blog tradition in addition to my weekly thankfulness. We'll see how it goes. A weekly top 5 or 10 list on which ever subject feels good. I LOVE lists. I have probably 7-10 lists written in my house. I keep a list of things to do in my computer and on my phone. Now, these are things that should be done, or things I want to try, or things I just simply need to remember. I promise this won't be as boring as those are. - - - - scratch that. I don't promise.

This week's top 5......

Top 5 Reasons I know I am a Mom of Boys:

5. Shane told me the other morning that Max had a gorilla in his mouth and I said "so?"

4. Not sure I'd know how to behave at a tea party but I can reenact a cage match pretty well.

3. I can transform Optimus Prime but I am not very good at picking out doll clothes.

2. I have and continue to follow the plot lines of Ben 10 Alien Force, and secretly think its a pretty well done show.

1. I am consistently reminding my children what to do and not do with their boy parts. As in, stop grabbing that thing and get dressed... and point that thing into the toilet!

Spring is Blooming

2010-04-22T08:54:00.003-05:00

This week I am thankful for apple blossom trees. They are in full bloom in my area and the look and smell is just as sweet as can be. My hubby planted one for me last year, but ours isn't quite big enough to give off a sweet smell yet.

I took Max for a walk yesterday evening and you could smell them everywhere. Just awesome!

Have a great week everyone.

Big Bro

2010-04-15T14:25:00.005-05:00

This week I am thankful for my brother. My big bro's birthday is on Sunday. He turns 33. I can't begin to describe how amazing Mike is. He's a single dad, a supervisor at Medtronic and a good friend to have. He's made his own way through life and climbed up the ladder at Medtronic from a temporary employee some 12 or so years ago. He even recently got to have lunch with the CEO as a thank you for his contributions to the company.

I am continually amazed by his leadership skills and value his input into my own.

He's a great drinking buddy as well. He knows when its fun time for a good conversation or when its time to reflect on greater things in life. He's been through the same shit I have. He knows.

We haven't always gotten along though. I swear there were times growing up when we wished each other to die a horrible death or simply called the other one stupid. I still remember the first time we really hung out after high school... not as the forced playmates of our youth... but because we simply wanted to. I picked him up from his apartment and we went and saw an MTV movie about some cockroaches or something dumb. But the memory of hanging out at his apartment is what sticks with me. He made me chicken nuggets and gave me beer when I was underage. I enjoyed talking to him. That event over 10 years ago was the catalyst to a great friendship today.

There are only a handful of people I consider my best friends. And he is at the top of that list.

Happy birthday big brother.

She's Got Legs - And Two Children

2010-04-09T09:29:00.003-05:00

This weekend I am competing in the Lifetime Fitness Indoor Triathlon. Holy shit! I can't even believe I just typed that. Not so long ago, that seemed an impossible feat. Now, just your average workout day. Well maybe not average, but nothing I would consider too terribly grueling. I have no real goals for this race, other than to not come in last place... and probably to beat my brother who has decided to compete against me.

Other stuff... so we had a little teaching moment with Shane last night on disappointment. He REALLY wanted a pair of Sketchers Luminators. By the way, those things cost $50 f'ing dollars! I am NOT spending that kind of coin on shoes for a 5 year old. Just not going to happen. There were tears... there was begging. But we sat down in the middle of the floor at Kohls and talked about how sometimes in life we just have to be disappointed. And that's fine. Its perfectly fine for him to be angry with me. And eventually he'll find a pair of shoes he does like and that we can afford. Come on, lets hug it out.

Yeah, that didn't work. He was still inconsolable. So we left the store. On a whim, we went to a different store and he did find a pair of shoes and we could afford them. In the car on the way home he said "mom, sometimes its o.k. to be disappointed." So, he was listening after all. Mom = 1, Expensive Shoes = 0.

Shane started soccer lessons this week. And he's pretty darn good if I say so myself. He learned to dribble the ball and trap it quite quickly. They had a little three on three match at the end of class. Now, I have to say, THAT was hilarious.

Max has been in an awesome mood lately. He's still my little destroyer. But generally destruction brings a smile to his face these days instead of head banging screams of the past few weeks. He said his fourth word over the weekend. Previously he has said, "momma, dadda, lala (for our dog Layla)". And now, he can say "Sponge Bob". Now, that's some good parenting right there.

This week I am thankful for ..... my legs. Because they allow me to stand on my own two feet. They keep me moving through out the day. They look great in jeans on a Friday. They kick ass in kick boxing. They feel good when I put them up at the end of the day. They are a nice canvas for a good tattoo. And this weekend, they will allow me to kick through the water, spin my bike, and run my way to victory!

The Related and the Unrelated

2010-04-02T12:30:00.004-05:00

So, things this week are....

1. I'm crazy busy with work. A new test is hitting the market soon and we are ramping up for that. Its always the most exciting and nail biting time for everyone involved. And its year end so we are getting slammed with projects. I see the light at the end though. Too bad the light is in June.

2. I fell of the proverbial Weight Watchers wagon. And by fell of the wagon I mean intentionally took a week off. I am still mindful of what I am eating. And by mindful I mean I don't really give a fuck. But, I fully intend to hit the ground running at Wednesday's weigh in.

3. I finally went to a dermatologist. So, I've never had acne before in my life until I had my thyroid removed and went on hormone replacements. The hormones make me feel like an entirely whole person for the first time in years. Drawback? This new person looks like a 16 year old McDonald's fry cook. I've tried over the counter remades for the past year and it just isn't working. He gave me a few prescriptions... I am hopeful.

4. My MIL is up. Is it really too much to ask for her to not fold my underwear? That's just kind of wrong. I love that woman to death, but she has a tendency to clean and organize others' houses. And by clean and organize I mean fold laundry and put it away in the wrong places. Boy her heart is in the right place but seriously if I catch her washing my wine glasses with AJAX again I might just snap. :)

5. Thankfulness... I'm a day late (see #1 above). But I am thankful this week. Very thankful. I am thankful for my friends. This week I received the most loving and heartfelt note from my closest friend, Carina. Basically, it was one of those "just for the heck of it notes" and told me all about how much she loves me and stuff like ... o.k., that's personal and makes me cry. Its my note... you can't know everything! :)

Anyway, I'm thankful for her and to have her in my life for so long. She's my sista from another motha. And it makes me thankful for all my friends. You all hold a place in my heart. Maybe we are virtual buddies and for that I am grateful (you are my daily coffee break laugh). Or T, my workout buddy. I wouldn't be nearly as motivated without you. My work buddies... these are the people who let you vent and sound ridiculous and don't hold it against you because... boy they understand. And all the other friends/family I have each person gives me a unique reason to be thankful I'd need an entire blog to go over it. Thank you for being in my life.

Putting It Out There - Update

2010-03-30T08:01:00.002-05:00

I blogged recently about potentially submitting my name for an inspiration of the year contest at Weight Watchers. Update, is that I decided to say screw it and threw my name in the running. I'm sure I have zero chance of actually winning.... but I have to say that actually putting it out there felt really good.

Of course about 15 min after I put the envelope in the outgoing mail I started to have second thoughts. "oh god, who will read this!?" and decided to go get my entry back. Too bad the mail had already picked up.

I think that was an intervention on my own behalf. It forced me out of my comfort zone. And a day later I am grateful.

Ummmm................?

2010-03-25T16:11:00.008-05:00

I'm typing something simply because this damn blinking cursor is pissing me off. I haven't anything to say today! Its not that I'm in a bad mood, I just can't think of anything worthwhile to be thankful for.

I'm (pausing) this until later in the evening. Will try to think of something on the drive home.

.

O.k. I'm back. Although its a day latter. I got busy last night making cookies as a thank you to a friend. and then, I kinda forgot.

So what am I thankful for then? I'm going to First Ave on Saturday for a concert with Kelly. I haven't been to First Ave since God only knows when. Its going to make me feel very old. or maybe very young. Not quite sure yet. That used to be the place back in the day. Practically every weekend. Its funny how while you live the different stages of your life you think that you would never opt to change from this. In the days of First Ave I thought, why would anyone want to settle down and commit to the daily grind and marry off and have kids. It was incomprehensible to me.

And its interesting, because its not like one day a switch goes off and you give up being one person in order to become another. You just evolve. Slowly... so slowly that you don't really realize whats happening at the time. Until one day, its been 9 or 10 years since you've been to First Ave.

My brother recently became a "fan" of the "I didn't change, I grew up. You should try it sometime" page on Facebook. I laughed out loud when I saw it. Because I can picture his friends looking at him now and saying the cliche "you changed man". But, hasn't everyone?

I bet a lot of my friends would think the same of me. But that young girl is still there too. I may be a 30 year old mom of two boys with an MBA and a career. But, I still like my music loud.

When I was 17, I had wrists like steel.

and I felt complete

And now my body fades behind a brass charade

and I'm obsolete

But if the chance remained to see those better days

I'd cut the cannons down

My ears are blown to bits from all the rifle hits

But still, I crave that sound

'Giving Up The Gun' - Vampire Weekend

This week, I am thankful for change. Yep, I still like my music loud. The audience has changed. And you know, I have to say my 5 year old has better taste in music then most grown-ups. I'd like to think that the 17 year old me would think he was one seriously kick ass dude.

Fat Habits Skinny Body

2010-03-20T08:44:00.003-05:00

When you are overweight you develop certain habits related to shopping. You learn to avoid stores that don't cater to larger sizes (ahem... I'm talking to you Express!). You pull from the back of the rack. You assume a certain defensive mentality. Like its us against the store here people. We will prevail!!

You learn to look at jewelry after you enter a store that clearly doesn't carry your size... you know to make it look like it wasn't an accident. and that you have a reason to be there too.

It occurred to me the other day when I was clothes shopping. That I still carry some of these habits around with me. I pull from the back of the rack. I walk past certain outfits without a second thought. Things that appear to be too form fitting. Things that would actually fit my form now. I was at the Limited last weekend and trying on jackets. I pulled from the back of the rack.

Its what we do.

The sale associate came back and took a look. "sweetheart, that's like 3 sizes too big for you".

Guess I'm no longer a back of the rack kinda gal.

Putting it out there

2010-03-18T11:02:00.003-05:00

I am considering entering myself into a weight watchers inspirational story of the year contest. I even wrote an essay in which I inform them of all the reasons they shouldn't pick me.

1. I trade my weekly points for wine
2. I go over my weekly points very frequently
3. I run to eat
The list goes on.

But I am proof that a person with a normal lifestyle who enjoys the fruits of a good meal and burns calories on the treadmill simply to consume them later in the form of chips and alcohol can lose weight too. Thus, maybe I am an inspiration. I'm not really sure.

The thing is, part of what makes my story unique is also something very personal. I've never really "put it out there" for the world to see before. If I won, I'd get a trip for two to NY (AWESOME!) but also they'd publish my entry in a magazine. hmmm... not sure I like that idea.

I have a few more weeks to decide.

As far as today is concerend. I'm thankful for what? How about I'm thankful for weight watchers? Regardless of whether or not I enter this silly contest. I am an insperation. To myself! This past week was stressful. Emotional. Crazy. And I am an emotional eater. Always have been.

I feed my tears.

"Shut up emotions... here have a cookie."

And all of this conicided with our Girl Scout cookies finaly ariving. It was the perfect storm. So I weighed in this week and gained a 1/2 a pound. And, I'm super impressed by that.

Yeah. Impressed. I said that. Because the truth is one of the super personal things I've never put out there was how I treated my body and myself in the midst of losing my parents. Crap. I just put it out there didn't I?

Anyway, it used to be that during emotional trials I was like an alcoholic is to booze. I ate. a lot. My immediate reaction was similar last week. I could literally feel myself falling back into old habits. But I tracked. and yeah, I made poor decisions and went off plan. But they weren't AS poor. Or AS terrible as they could have been. So I gained 1/2 a pound this week. It could have been worse. and for that I am thankful for weight watchers and the semi-control I was able to place upon myself this week.

Hard

2010-03-11T10:40:00.006-06:00

This is hard. The obvious seems so selfish.

Its thankful Thursday. The one day a week I reflect on my life and give thanks to something. Anything. Sometimes there's a lot of "BIG" stuff. Like I love the whole world kind of stuff. Sometimes I'm thankful for superficial crap like new eye make-up. But always I try to pick something.

This is a hard thing to do and totally not written by the appropriate person. But it was the only thing that "seemed" right today. I might not feel like its right tomorrow. I don't know.

Paige was a wonderful girl. She lit up her mother's entire world. I've only met Paige a handful of times but I recently had dinner with her and Stacy and got to see what a wonderful little girl she was growing up to be. Shane loved feeding her his french fries. :) She even learned his name in the car on the ride home.

It was amazing to see Stacy as a mom. Becoming a mother brought out the true inner beauty of my friend. Seeing the love and compassion she's given my way for many years blessed a million fold upon her daughter was priceless.

I loved when she posted on FB about how she was missing a Vikings playoff game to take Paige to a Disney Live show and how there was no place else she'd rather be. This was the essence of the mom who gave her daughter everything she could.

This week I am thankful for you Paige. I am thankful that I met you and saw your smile. And most of all I am thankful that Stacy and Jason had you in their life. You were and will always be the light of your mother's world.

May God watch over you all.

Blog Spam

2010-03-11T10:38:00.002-06:00

O.k. that last fucking straw is when these idots spam a post about someone losing a child. Seriously.... WHAT THE FUCK!

Sorry.

Point is, I've been getting comment spam lately. A lot of it. I have to go in and delete it all of the time.

How do I get it to stop? Anyone?

The Post Left Unwritten

2010-03-10T19:47:00.002-06:00

I had this post idea in my head this morning about all the funny ways I know and recognize that I am a mom of boys.

And then the world stood still for some dear friends as their daughter was found passed away suddenly this morning.

I'm at a loss as to how to offer my condolences to them... words fall flat. I am hugging them with all of my heart. Mothers hold a connection with each other that only we can understand. The depths of our love and heart. Yet when you hear of one mother's loss you can not feel that grief. I can not take away the weight. I can not bring Paige back. I can only offer up my support and love.

So for now the post will remain unwritten.

OMG The SUN! I'm Thankful For The SUN!!

2010-03-04T09:38:00.002-06:00

Its pushing 40 here these days! I didn't button my coat last night! I took the kids for a walk outside! I'm going for a run later today. . . OUTSIDE!

I love you sun. Don't leave us. I can just FEEL spring coming.

I am Thankful I'm Broke!

2010-02-25T20:35:00.002-06:00

I'm a sarcastic person. But that's not a sarcastic statement. That's what I am thankful for this week. I am thankful I'm broke. A couple of weeks ago my husband and I saw a need to get back to basics with the money. We've been spending a little too carelessly lately. So we went to a cash only system for anything that is considered discretionary income. So, groceries and gas go on the check card just like usual, but going out to eat or picking up a bottle of wine need to be paid for with cash.

So basically I get an allowance. Which, coincidentally is a lot less than I actually make for a living. It used to be that you did some work around the house and your mom gave you some buckaroos. Now, I do a little work around the mills and give a third of it to uncle sam, 1/2 of the rest to my kids, throw a little at the house and by the end of the week I get maybe a ten spot.

So the bad news is that I'm f'in broke! Last week I ended the week with less than a dollar to my name. But the good news is that I instantly feel so much more in control of my self. I've always been someone who's needed a relatively short leash. Give me a small bowl of chips and I'm happy. But give me the bag and I'll eat the whole thing.

So it goes with plastic money I guess. I'm thankful this week for the allowance resetting (I finally have some money again!!) and for the $20 I took out of my allowance to put in my "shoe fund" envelope. :)

Happy saving everyone!

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2010-02-18T15:42:00.011-06:00

Data is a lot like a yellow brick road. It starts out like spinning in all kinds of circles. It can lead you to a bunch of nut jobs. Sometimes somethings try to poison you along the way. It can take you a long time to get to your destination. But, if you follow it, it'll lead you to Oz.

Uncovering the story in the data, finding the themes, the nuggets of truth. That's my Oz.

Does that make me Dorothy? Or the Wizard?

Either way. As long as I am not the Wicked Witch..................
Green is a really bad color on me.

So, why am I making random Wizard of Oz references? I am at the cusp of completing a research project I've been working on for almost an entire year. At times I've been the task wicked witch. Sometimes the cowardly lion. Most generally, probably the brainless scare crow. Hopefully never without heart.

So this week I am thankful for the best part of all. Oz. When the numbers make a road and I tell the story. Coincidentally this is also the hardest part and often I'm never provided with enough time to really do it well. So better get back to work! Maybe if I click my heels three times some thoughts will get flowing. :)

Lets hope the story is good.

The end.

Roger Ebert's Battle With Thyroid Cancer

2010-02-16T16:02:00.003-06:00

This is a compelling read

http://www.esquire.com/features/roger-ebert-0310

Cheesy Holiday Theme'd Post Coming Up

2010-02-11T13:14:00.000-06:00

I seriously have no brain power today. What am I thankful for. Um..... the bright shinning sun. The power of a kind word. The sound of a chid's laughter? bleck. Here let me throw a little bit more sappy shit your way!

Its Valentine's Day this weekend.

So like, go hug someone or something.

So this week I am thankful for this guy!!

And all of the wonderfully awesome food he gives me. What am I saying... I think he's the reason I needed to lose weight in the first place. Why oh why does he need to be such a good cook.

He takes equal responsibilty for our chidren as a hands on father. Did I mention he cooks? I mean like a chef cooks. He works hard at his job. He's smart. He removes snow, bugs, rodents, and dog poo. He makes our grass shorter. He calls me beautiful. He's funny, he's handsome, he's understanding. He cleans when he's told to and only complains mildly. He loves spending time with our family. He loves to camp and to be outdoors. He gets our kids dressed in the morning. He always says he loves me. He remembers to get the mail and move to clothes from the washer to the dryer (becuase I NEVER do). He listens to me complain endlessly about things he could care less about.

And after all of taht, he chose me! Well actually I chose him, but lets not get specific. He keeps me around. And for that, this week... I am thankful. I am thankful I have a hubby to walk into the house to. I am happy he says "I love you" before he leaves and that he says "I missed you" when I come home. I'm happy its me he wants to hang out with when he has free time. Oh, and I am thankful for the pork tacos he's cooking me this weekend. YUM!

And, if that wasn't sappy enough for you.....

So this is the tale of the castways, they're here for a long, long time

2010-02-04T13:02:00.000-06:00

This week I am thankful for the return of Lost.

And all of the wonderful craziness/questions/drama/OMG moments it gives me. I have a theory on the show... as does pretty much everyone who's watched it. The season premier def seemed to point in the direction of things I"ve said all along. Lets watch, as see if I'm right. :)

Toddling Towards Toddlerhood

2010-02-04T10:11:00.000-06:00

Max is walking now. Not regularly, but none the less is walking. At any moment it will become his primary mode of transportation. I have some serious mixed feelings about this. My back is thankful, as this kid is freakin heavy! But my heart misses the baby days. I swing inbetween wanting him to just grow up damn it! so I you can do things for your self, and oh, you are growing up way to fast.

Look how cute he is. Look how he can't stop eating. Get that camera out of my face. and feed me woman!!!

Hey, guess what he's doing in this picture....

I'm sensing a theme. Don't grow up too fast buddy.

Authentic Leadership

2010-01-29T10:35:00.000-06:00

Ann M. Fudge presented in a leadership forum this morning. ---- "Success is measured by what you achieve through others, not what you deliver."

i was quoted!

2010-01-28T16:57:00.002-06:00

on a well known thyroid advocate's website.
http://thyroid.about.com/b/2010/01/28/today-show-thyroid-awareness.htm

Life's Lessons and a Lemonade Stand

2010-01-28T10:48:00.000-06:00

"I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that in every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that." - Gillian Anderson

Respond to the negatives around you with positive influence. I am being re-taught to operate in the positive realm on some things right now. I am thankful for the opportunity to refine my leadership skills, to open myself up to new challenges, and to move my energy forward.

It’s the cheesiest saying in the book. But if life hands you lemons, are you gonna cry and piss and moan about it or are you gonna sell some freakin lemonade?!

O.k., so maybe I’m doing a little bit of both. Nobody said you couldn’t piss and moan WHILE you sold the lemonade right? :P At least I am choosing to make the negatives into positives and I am looking to grow as an individual. I am thankful for the opportunity even if it presents its self as an obstacle.

PS. my dad made me a lemonade stand as a kid. It was freakin awesome! Do kids even have lemonade stands anymore? I kind of wish I still had that stand. This life lesson is for you dad. I'll stock pile it up there with the lessons I learned on the corner of the street selling lemonade for 25c. Lesson number one, big kids give you pennies and try to convince you that its a quarter. Don't accept the bullshit. Lesson number two, if you add sugar you'll sell more. Love you dad! :)

At Least I Have My Health

2010-01-21T12:46:00.000-06:00

Think about when the world around you it topsy turvy, you can't control your workload, you can't control your kids. The house is a mess and it all just seems to cave around you. At least you have your health right? This is what people say. But for many, that's not the case. It hasn't been the case for me on and off for 5 years. I don't really know how to articulate how thyroid disease has affected my life. Bad just doesn't seem to seem bad enough. However, at the edge of the pit of dispare seems a little over dramatic too huh? :)

Thyroid disease and cancer are increasing rapidly in recent years. Some say its better detection, some think environmental factors. . . either way, more and more people find out every day that they are suffering from an underlying health condition that isn't "curable". That isn't to say that symptoms can't get better or that temporary flare ups like thyroiditis don't go away. But it is to say that once diagnosed with an auto-immune thyroid problem you have it. forever.

I don't think anyone could ever take a healthy person on the journey that we're on. I've tried to describe for people how there are days that I simply cannot function. My body will shut down physically and mentally. You sort of get this "suck it up" response. Yeah, well I've gone to work when I haven't felt well too. I get it. It sucks.

But can they really get it? That some days its like I can't get out of bed? Somedays its like my brain literally doesn't hear the conversation we are having? Somedays I can't stop eating becuase my brain is being told its hungry. Somedays I have to force myself to eat before I pass out becuase my brain is saying it doesn't need food. How do you deal with the stress of a job and kids when you don't have your health?

January is Thyroid Awareness Month. Let us all check our necks. I firmly believe, given that we don't truly know the nature of the multiple facets of this disease that everyone should have their thyroid levels checked at their annual physical. That isn't currently the case, so YOU need to check your symptoms. If you haven't been feeling good for a while and your symptoms match, demand that your thyroid levels get checked. I lived with this for almost 2 years before putting all the puzzle pieces together. There's no need for that.

This time of year also marks the one year anniversary of having my thyroid removed. It was a personal decision, not everyone would have made. My problems were so unregulated and my thyroid had gotten so large that simply raising my arms above my head caused me to be unable to breathe. There was also a little scare with the big C and undetectable nodules. I opted for removing it. I now have to live with that decision and rely on artificial thyroid to survive. That was pretty freaky for me to emotionally wrap my brain around. About a week before my surgery I ran across a blog post (I'd love to republish, but I can't find it now). Where one women sort of publically freaked out... "what if the medical manufacturers of the world implode, or something happens to infastructure as we know it and I lose all access to medication..." I was like a deer in headlights. OMG! WTF! She's totally right! What if that DOES happen???!!! Oh, my poor poor husband who had to talk me down from that that evening.

Its been a rocky year at best health wise. But I feel like I'm in a good place now. Took me three tries or something to get put on the medication I am on now. I had to lose my fear of the white coat and TELL them what I wanted to do. I've fired an endo, lost a lot of hair, had steriod injections, well.... name it. But I'm still here. And at least I have my health. Finally. I am thankful for that everyday. And at long last it brings me to my Thankful Thursday... if you go this far I'm so sorry LOL! I did not set out for this to be the epic thyroid book. I was thinking brief entry about one year anniversary and look how it ended up. Dear lord, why on earth are you still reading this!? :)

I am thankful this week to be feeling healthy one year post surgery. I have my moments for sure. But on the grand scale of shitty to well, I feel like the scales are tipping to well. And that, frankly, kicks major ass!

To close, remember that the person next to you is dealing every single day with something that you don't know about. Their health condition, their loved one's health condition, a problem child, a problem parent, maybe they didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. Lets all take a breath and be nice to eachother. The weight of the world could be resting on their shoulders. And a smile from you could be just what the doctor couldn't order.

Peace out.

2010-01-20T21:22:00.002-06:00

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one." - Elbert Hubbard

Summer in my Heart

2010-01-14T14:55:00.000-06:00

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

In my opinion, people from the midwest have an appreciation of seasonal changes unlike any place I've ever been. One could choose to be dispondent because its winter. Or one could chose to love winter, if not in its own right, then becuase the cold air of winter makes the breezes of spring so much warmer.

Thanks winter!

Just Drop You Damn Shoe!

2010-01-14T08:42:00.000-06:00

I'm frustrated about something very personal today. Something I don't really care to post about in any great amount of detail other than to say that I am thinking through some stuff and trying to understand why sometimes my immediate reactions to things come from a very negative place.

I wonder if its a nature vs. nurture thing. I mean, is this my personality and just how I proccess things or is this something bred in my during my upbringing.

I read the book My Mamma's Waltz about a year or so ago and it really had a unique perspective on how children of alchoholics sort of spend their entire lives waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life'll be good for a while, but it never lasts.

One would think that having had this self realization I'd be able to address it and come to life with a more positive outlook. I'm working on it. But at any rate, I saw some news today that's not even related to me and found it very personally frustrating. And now I am having to deal with my own negative reactions.

Motivational Quotes - Weight Loss Edition

2010-01-07T10:22:00.002-06:00

I'm a sucker for good quotes. I used to end every email with my "motivational quote of the week". But then I was thinking, I wonder how many of my co-workers silently curse my name behind my back. So I stoped.

But this is my blog, so I'll do what I want! :)

Credit: these have been stolen over the years from other blogs and boards. And I am not sure who the original authors are any more Apologies for not giving credit where credit is due.

On cravings - "If you're not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you're not hungry."
On eating fat free food - "I don't eat stuff I don't like just so I can have more of it."
On slip-ups – “Do not let today's lapse ruin tomorrow's goal.”
On plateau – "You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there."
On quitting - "It's never too late to start, but it's always too early to quit."
On running - “The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

Adios Holidays, Hello Quiet

2010-01-07T09:58:00.003-06:00

"...all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."

Its really kind of bull shit when they say that line after "twas the night before Christmas..." Really? Who isn't stirring the night before Christmas or the night after or frankly any day that week, or into the new year or getting ready to go back to work. . . bla bla bla. Its a steady influx of house guests, parties, presents, cleaning, cooking, cleaning. . . cleaning.

This classic line should be restated... "twas first week of January and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring; not even mom on the couch."

The holidays are over people! Time to relax and get back to the steady flow of our daily lives. I absolutely love the holidays and the parties. But I am so ready for a reality check too. With all of the parties and house guests I've basically had a steady IV drip of wine and a constant fork of something in my mouth. UGH I feel just bleck!

So begins the January detox program. Truth is, I kind of love this time of year. I look towards my calendar and I see a whole lot a nothin. Just weekends to spend with the family and getting back into a routine. I can be a social butterfly at times, but I think my true self is best found with my nose in a book spending some time alone. Call it my split personality or my Gemini nature. But having this little oasis post holiday blitz really gives the best of both worlds.

So today I am thankful for every day life and quiet. I know that we'll fill the calendar with things as weeks go by (I already see a bowling night getting scheduled and a birthday party for a friend). But primarily we are in hunker down mode. Lovin it!!

Resolving To Be Thankful... and some other stuff

2009-12-30T20:35:00.003-06:00

Its that time of year again when everyone makes their list and checks it twice. Yes, its your wish list, but not a list of gifts and naughty or nice. Wishes written down mentally/physically/verbally of all of the things we wish for our life in the coming year. We are always wishing for our life to improve, to be better than it was last year. To change ourselves to improve our relationships. And we are so committed to it, that we don't simply wish... we RESOLVE! We RESOLVE to lose the weight, to spend more time with our kids, to take that trip, to fix that such and such.

Truth be told, I am kind of a self improvement junkie (in the sense that I read a lot of self help books. NOT in the sense that I actually ever IMPROVE anything). So one would think that resolutions are right up my alley. Right??? On the one hand, I do appreciate the fact that it gets people reflecting on their life and what they would like to improve. On the other hand, its a short lived reflection that is evidenced by the extreme uptick in attendance at my gym on January 2nd followed by an all time low in February (meaning lots of locker space for moi').

Oh sure, I've had resolutions in the past. But I've never been able to follow through with any of them. Interestingly though, a lot of the things that I had resolved to do in new years past eventually came to be. Not because of a new new years or a new resolution. But because the timing was right, I was ready, I had the commitment needed to move forward.

So, in the past few years, after recognizing that I don't need to wait until January 1st to change myself, I've enjoyed finding silly things to resolve to do on New Years. Nothing weighty like "be a better mom". But things that if I accomplish, hey all the better for me. But if I don't (because hey, its a new years resolution right?) then its no skin of my back. For instance, last year I resolved to floss my teeth more and to not slam the cupboard doors.

This year I resolve to take better care of my shoes (for as much as I love those suckers I just toss them aside when I am home. Would a little leather conditioning kill me? Bad shoe mommy! Bad!) and to clean out the not one, not two, not three/four/five... but SIX junk drawers that have taken up residence in my house. I kind of have my doubts about this one. This is very resolutiony sounding. Which means I'll probably get all A.D.D. and forget I ever said that out loud. Does typing count as out loud?

But ya know, to all those out there who are resolving to do something this new years, KUDOS I say! and best of luck to you. This is a great time to reflect and start anew. But remember, that a resolution is a commitment that goes beyond the first of the year. With your reflections on years past, a desire to change in the future, and a strong commitment to continue February through December; you will achieve what you are seeking.

Oh, and one more thing. Resolve to be thankful. There's always a million and one things we can do to improve ourselves and our life. But life ain't that bad as it is right? Be thankful everyday for what you have and who you love and who loves you. As such, I RESOLVE to continue to document what I am thankful for every week. Consider this Thursday's entry (tomorrow). Because, tomorrow I'll be busy getting ready for a dinner party we are hosting for New Years eve. Good friends and family gathered round good food and drink. And for that I am very thankful.

2009-12-29T14:47:00.003-06:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Happy 5th birthday Shane! I love you dude. You mean the world to me. I can't believe you'll be 5 in a few short days. Off to school you go next year. Its so hard for me to believe how fast the time has gone. I still remember how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant with you. You have such a wonderful caring personality. You're super funny, and have a wonderful laugh. You are learning to spell your name and can write S, H, A, and E. One more letter and you'll have your whole name! I'm so proud of you Shane. The world is your oyster! Hugs- mom

Lost

2009-12-29T09:19:00.003-06:00

Do you ever feel like sometimes we put so much energy and focus into our children that when we have 5 min alone either by ourselves or with our spouse, we have nothing to say anymore? Except to talk about the children?

I love my babies more than life itself, but some days its just a struggle to remain me. (Liz, wife, friend, employee, etc).

Or maybe I'm just getting cabin fever after being home on vacation for a week and a half.

O.k. I am over my moment. Moving on! :)

Random Annoyance of the Day

2009-12-23T13:16:00.003-06:00

People who call others in the service industry "chief". As in, "hey chief, what's the special today?"

Or "bud". or "honey".

Or pretty much any pet name. Please use "sir" or "mam" or their name if they have a name tag on.

2009 The Soundtrack

2009-12-19T13:05:00.002-06:00

This is my top 10 list of songs from 2009. This isn't a list of songs released in 2009. This is a list of the songs of 2009 that spent much time in heavy rotation on my ipod.

Note......I make no claims to have good taste.

Viva la Vida - Coldplay
Cold Desert - Kings of Leon (honorable mention - pretty much everything else they've done)
Just Ain't Gonna Work Out - Mayer Hawthorne
Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z (yes, I realize this just came out. But I've been playing the shit out of it since then. Which is funny, because I hated it the first few times I heard it. I guess it grew on me, like a fungus).
Disturbia - Rihanna
So Ahead of Me - Orson
Blood Bank - Bon Iver (this was like a total toss up between this and Flume. But again, I love all his stuff).
All the Money of the Simple Life Honey - The Dandy Warhols
The First Single - The Format
I Turn my Camera On - Spoon
Already Over - Orson

This list started with like 30 songs, and I some how got it down to 11. I just couldn't do 10.

This is an easy one

2009-12-17T12:37:00.002-06:00

I am thankful today that its my last day in the office for 2009! In a few short hours I have 16 days of vacation. I have no big plans. Time to relax, time to exercise, time to spend with my family. And dare I say have a glass of wine?

We'll be hosting Christmas dinner, we are having a new years eve wine and beer tasting! Then Shane's 5th birthday sledding party. I can't believe all the fun stuff we have packed into those days, but I still don't feel over scheduled.

My tivo won't be at 98% capacity. I may actually read a book!

So I am thankful as can be. That is all.

Today is not a good day to ask me this

2009-12-10T09:26:00.003-06:00

I am thankful for NOTHING! Bah humbug! Why does it have to be thankful Thursday? Why can't it be thankful Saturday?

O.k. if I have to be thankful for something (and that really is the point of this right? to remind myself on days like today that I truly do have things to be thankful for. o.k. so, in retrospect this is probably the BEST time for me to be doing this then, right???)

So I am thankful for food and friends and family and my children.

This weekend I am getting together with good friends for a cookie exchange. And there might even be adult beverages there. It can't get too much better than cookies, friends, and alcohol can it? :)

Saturday we are taking the kids to see Santa. That man has a power over children I simply envy. There's really no parental threat quite like a Santa threat. Santa got my kid to stop whining and get dressed this morning. With any luck, Santa will probably get him to eat his beans tonight too.

And then Sunday, Shane has his holiday performance at Church.

Right now I can't even begin to describe how stressed out I am. But then there's...... life. Right? Life continues to march on and we either join in on the party or we let it pass us by while we worry about getting the holiday cards out or whether or not we bought the right Christmas presents. I am choosing to join life. The Christmas cards sit un-addressed on my dinning room table. I still have to finish some Christmas presents. Some of them will probably be delivered unfinished. But se le vie. There's a good movie on my Tivo and I choose to snuggle up with my husband and watch it tonight instead.

Thankful?

2009-12-03T18:39:00.003-06:00

Today? What am I thankful for??? Hmmm.... maybe I should have given this some more thought before I just went ahead and clicked "new post". It'll come to me. ... just give me a moment.... .... ..... ..... .....

[pause to give 'mom look' to son swinging a giant stick in his brother's face]

..... ..... ......

o.k. got it. I'm thankful for baby spinach. (right now I'm asking myself why all my posts relate to food in some way lol!)

I have a die hard love of spinach. In fact, in doing research, my overeating of it could be one of the things that contributed to the demise of my thyroid. Everything in moderation.. bla bla bla.

Anyway... I probably eat 3 cups of baby spinach for lunch about 3 times a week. No salad dressing. Just nuts or fruit or both. God I love it. I am drooling just thinking about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, like anything in life, I come to points where I just get burned out on it for a while. Thus usually begins a short lived affair with soup. But...spinach, my first dear love, I always come back to you.

I sometimes wonder who this strange 4yo is. They say he came from my womb. But he doesn't like chocolate or sauces/dips. Keep me away from chocolate. I could eat it by the poundage. And, I could put a sauce on just about anything. (well, except spinach. I love you naked baby!) He doesn't like to dip stuff. I mean, seriously. Weren't carrots, chips, and chicken nuggets INVENTED for dip?!

He eats butter noodles by the mixer bowl full. Just like his dad. But you have to wonder what food traits of his mom will he have?

Well, apparently the dude loves spinach. This kid literally won't eat pretty much anything that kids like. But low and behold the other night he tried a piece and liked it. Tonight he had an entire salad with chicken on top. We offered him ranch dressing as a topper.

He said he prefers it plain.

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.... this is only a test.

2009-11-29T10:49:00.003-06:00

somehow FB has linked to my blog. I must have done that, not quite sure how. LOL

Testing to see if new blogs are auto updating in my status feed.

This ends the test of our emergency broadcast system. Back to your regularly scheduled programing....

My body needs greens!!

2009-11-28T15:46:00.003-06:00

It hit me today like a like a leather glove slapped across my face.

It was as if when I woke up this morning my body just started shutting down. And then my brain, my stomach, and every organ in my body sang in unison "damn it woman, give us some green veggies! or we'll strike!"

So a spinach and cranberry salad for me today. And as many other vegetables and fruits as I could cram into my gullet. ...... and, I felt immediately better.

Hmmm... could it be that man can not live on stuffing alone? Well, I've been eating pie too. Does that count as a fruit?

What are you thankful for this year?

2009-11-25T21:21:00.003-06:00

Have you thought about what you are truly thankful for this Thanksgiving? Of course I'm thankful for my family and my health and a roof over my head but I'm also thankful for.....

good wine
cheap wine (seriously! they serve different purposes).
my job and the satisfaction it always ends up giving me
dresses with knee high boots
brownies
new running shoes
DVR
spinach and pear salad
good friends
coffee - because ... coffee!
super cute nail polish colors
the sound of my kids laughter
humming holiday songs out loud in public places (I don't care if I annoy the fuck out of you, get in the holiday spirit damn it!)
my new black shoes - I love you new shoes!! If I wasn't already married....
chex mix - your like a bad influence friend trying to get me to drink for the first time. I may gain 10lbs with you around, but ah screw it.... I love ya man!
apples and peanut butter
playing super heroes with my boys
the Vikings! SKOL!

Thankful Thursday

2009-11-18T20:35:00.002-06:00

Yes I know its Wednesday. But tomorrow I'm going to be swamped until well into the evening. I don't want that to keep me from thinking about what I am thankful for.

This week I am thankful for family time. I am not getting a lot it right now so I am cherishing what I can have. Even 15 min of peekabo with my Max-e-bird, and a few quick stories with my Shane-a-nator is so precious.

I will have to work again this weekend, and probably next weekend. But I am for sure going to get some fun time in with the kiddos!

Thank You Larry Pierce

2009-11-12T10:51:00.003-06:00

I have made it a personal goal to be thankful for something each week and to document that here. This week was a tough one. All around bad news bears. Work is rough, kids are frustrating, everything is just coming down around me.

This was capped off yesterday by just a bad work day all around. But somehow as I am driving down the road so mad I could spit nails and trying to calm down before I see the family... on comes "The way to my heart is through my pecker". Yes, the vocal styling of Larry Pierce somehow ended up on my ipod (I didn't put it there and no one will take credit for it). I think it was a cosmic intervention to put a smile on my face.

O.k. you just can't NOT laugh at that stupid shit! When life punches you in the face listen to a little of the hilarious country songs of Larry Pierce.

So this week I am thankful for Larry Pierce, and whomever/whatever decided to upload that crazy SOB to my ipod and make it the first song on my shuffle. If I had my druthers I would say, somewhere my dad was laughing along with me.

Eggads These Kids!!!

2009-11-05T14:14:00.005-06:00

A reminder to myself that I have the greatest kids on earth. Boy do they test my patience. This morning I had to threaten to take Shane to daycare naked just to get him to get dressed. Max was chewing on power cords like they are candy and basically getting into everything he could.

But threw the tantrums and screaming, my oldest says {shudder} {shudder}.... "mom....{shudder}.... I really... really..... love you. {hiccup} {shudder}".

And then that little monkey bird of mine, looks up at me (power cord in his teeth) and is like "what ma. I ain't doin nothin".

So on this Thursday, I am thankful for my boys. I am thankful that my 4yo can express love even when he is angry. I am thankful that my baby is such a free spirit. (edit: I am thankful that his free spirit will get him places in the future. Right now, WTF!?)

P.s. I can't believe Max is 1yo today!! Who the hell keeps telling these kids they can get bigger. Stop it! :)

Thankful Thursday

2009-10-29T12:24:00.003-05:00

Today I am thankful for rosemary garlic bread and honey crisp apples. It seems silly, I know. But these are two of my favorite things and I have both in my house right now. Last night I had a warm toasty piece of rosemary bread with butter all melty over the top. And today for lunch I had a crisp sweet apple with peanut butter.

They are things that are not available all year. So these things remind me of fall, big sweaters, bright colors, pumpkins, and football. It warms my heart on this rainy day. We need to indulge in our loves when they come around whether they be everyday or every season.

"On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where fruits were jewels..." - Charles Dickens

My Max

2009-10-24T12:18:00.005-05:00

Max in a few short weeks your age will no longer be measured in months, but in years. You have brought so much joy to me. When your brother was born, I thought "this is it, this is all the love in my entire heart." So how to give more when your second child comes along. It wasn't even a question. My heart grew two times when I looked into your eyes for the first time.

From the moment you started moving around the womb I could tell you were going to be a passionate crazy little monkey. The doctors had to take you by force! You are not quiet in your demands. You're my tough guy. Its like my ruff and tumble kid was plucked right from a tonka truck comerical. But you also have the biggest laugh and the warmest eyes.

You jump right in there with the big kids to play. And I am pretty sure that you'd eat anything. That adventurous spirit is so endearing.

Soon you will be walking and talking and running. You may soon be a toddler in age, but you will always be my baby.

Thankful Thursday - Self Gloating Edition

2009-10-22T10:33:00.003-05:00

Warning... serious gloating and self bragging below.

Today I am thankful for reaching past the 50 mark. You read that right, 51lbs. GONE! I asked my husband last night if he was proud of my loss or just disturbed that his wife was actually fat enough to need to have lost 50lbs. He said he was proud and that last part I think he wanted to smack me with that little wifey trap. :)

I set out to lose the baby weight, when that was gone I set out to lose the baby weight from the first baby that I never lost. Now I am trying to get back down to what I weighed in college. If you would have asked me if I was going to do that when I started this 42 weeks ago I would have called you silly. But here I am! We'll here is 51lbs less of me. Running 2x per week, kickboxing 2x per week, weight lifting 1x per week, and I just joined a 100 push up challenge. I still have more to lose. More than I wish. If I continue at the same pace, I won't be at my goal weight until after my 31st birthday. But I'm cool with that. It makes me smile to think that at my 31st birthday I will look as good as I did at my 21st. And I'll have all the wisdom and confidence of that last decade to add to my rockin new body.

I don't really think many people read this blog. But if you happen to stumble here and are losing motivation towards a healthier you, just remember that we aren't on an episode of the biggest loser. Slow and steady wins in the end. I have had big losses, no losses, gains, etc. I mean shit, I spent the entire summer gaining and losing the same damn 5lbs. Its easy to see that week over week and give up. DON'T GIVE UP!

Random Thought / Thankful Thursday

2009-10-15T12:35:00.002-05:00

Random Thought: You know you are at least somewhat established in your life when your check card gets rejected at the checkout and you think, "hmmm I wonder what's wrong with their machine."

Thankful Thursday: We aren't a rich family, but I am thankful that I have enough money in my account to pay my bills. And that when this happens now-a-days I don't panic like I would have in my early twenties. I am thankful that we can provide for our family, and still have a little fun here and there. Rich isn't about the amount of dollars in your account, but about the life that you share and the memories you make. Certainly, having money in your account helps the latter.

So, about that thyroid...

2009-10-15T11:05:00.003-05:00

Not that I want this blog to be "The Thyroid Chronicles" or anything. But I just realized that I never did post about how I've been feeling on this new "complicated" medication.

I am feeling VERY good. Better than I have in a very long time. I feel clear headed throughout the day, I am sleeping better at night, I have even been able to pretty much give up caffeine entirely. (In two weeks I've had maybe 1 diet coke and 2 cups of coffee after very long days). Prior to this I literally could not function without coffee every day. My hair has almost stopped falling out. Its still pretty bad but I can tell that it is getting better.

There are a few side effects as well. Isn't there with anything? I get a very odd sensation when I workout. I feel like my heart is just RACING and that it is going to beat right out of my chest. I always have worn a heart rate monitor and watch my heart rate pretty closely. Here's the odd thing, its no different than it was before during my standard exercises. So that's odd that I feel like it is beating faster when it isn't.

Also, I am breaking out like a 15 year old kid. Which is pretty annoying. Not sure if this is directly related to that or not. However, whenever you tamper with hormones that seems to be one of the first things to go wacky. Lastly, I am retaining a lot of water. I am getting some of the old symptoms of late pregnancy I had with Shane and Max, most notably the TMJ. It seems to have dissipated in the past few days, so who knows maybe I am projecting everything onto my thyroid.

All in all, I am very pleased with the results. I haven't had my levels drawn yet so I have no scientific proof that it is working. But hey, even if its mental who the fuck cares. I feel better and isn't that kind of the goal?

Busy Bee

2009-10-13T14:53:00.006-05:00

Buzz Buzz

Life has been pretty crazy in the O'Hara house these past few weeks. Traveled to Dallas and Denver and have gotten together with friends, relatives, and friends of relatives. Can't complain, I am a person who likes to keep busy. But I can say that I am ready for it to ease up just a touch. It would be nice to have one day on the weekend where all we do is go to the gym and then hang out at home. My house desperately needs to be cleaned.

I ran another race this past weekend. I can't believe I've ran 2 races! It was torturous, because it was only 25 degrees and pure ice. So my time was terrible, but I was proud to show my children that I had signed up for something and followed through with my commitment. The fam didn't come to cheer me on this time since it was so cold. Last month, they stood at the finish line for my first race and cheered for me as I crossed. Shane yelled louder than everyone in the park. "GO MOMMY!!!! YAY MOMMY!!!" It melted my heart. But what was even more heart warming was this... randomly as we were walking back to the car talking about other things completely unrelated to the race, Shane looked at me and said, "I'm super proud of you for running in the race mommy". O.k. I am not a crier. But I had to choke back a little bit on that one. Its kind of like getting flowers when it isn't your birthday/anniversary. It just means something a little bit more doesn't it?

Speaking of children, I can't believe my baby boy is turning 1 year old in less than a month. Where the hell has the time gone? Who is this toddlerish creature that STANDS before me? This kid eats ravioli by the fist-full and screams at the top of his lungs when there is no food on his tray. I fear he will be walking very soon. When I say fear, it isn't a funny attempt at a bad adjective. I truly mean I FEAR this happening. This kid is a wild child. He's crazy enough on his hands and knees. I will likely be found in the fetal position in a corner of my house rocking back and forth clutching a bottle of vodka when he begins walking.

Shane got to have his cousin over for a sleep over this past weekend. They jumped in leaves and generally had a blast. He spelled his name all by himself for the first time last night in the car. Pretty soon he will be writing it and can pick out his prize that he is working towards. He has a kindergarten prep class in a few weeks. WTH!??? Kindergarten? Wasn't he just like Max's age yesterday? Who is allowing the children to grow up so quickly. It sure as hell isn't me!

Kelly has been off traveling for a little while, but resumed it with a 1 day trip on Monday of this week. I had forgotten how lonely it is in the house when he is gone. Glad he will be done for the season soon.

Well that is all I can think of for now. I am off to go pick up a suit coat that I sent to the tailor to have taken in. Gotta say, that is a guilty pleasure almost up there with shoe and purse buying. I just love taking the clothes in and saying, "yes, I'd like this taken in please". :)

Thankful Thursday

2009-09-17T15:50:00.002-05:00

There are few things better in the world than best friends. Thanks for being my buddy!!!

New Meds

2009-09-14T08:41:00.001-05:00

I got the doc to agree to new medication. I would love to report that it is working miracles. except the day after I started it I got a cold. and now I feel like death

bwaaaaaaaaaaa!

Gota laugh about it. Cosmic irony.

I am not a number!

2009-09-10T20:55:00.004-05:00

FUCK! #%$%^$@!!!

I feel terrible. My hair is falling out by the fistful. Half the time I can't think or speak clearly. I slur my words like a druken sailor at 9:30 a.m. I am NOT o.k. But if you ask my doctors my "levels are fine". Fuck your levels. There are alternative medications out there and they won't let me take them becuase they are "more complicated" to take (as in you need to take it twice a day). Why don't you let me worry about that huh?

I have another doctor's appt tomorrow. Suprise suprise! I am hoping beyond hope that they will just let my try something different. Just try! that's all I ask. I'll shut up if it doesn't work. I just want a shot at a normal day.

What I Learned at the Casino

2009-09-06T13:21:00.003-05:00

So I am probably the only 30 year old alive who's never been to a casino. Well I went with Kelly and my brother last night to see a comedy show. We had dinner at the buffet, I learned to play black jack, and we drank at the bar. Here are a few tasty bits of casino knowledge I picked up along the way...

You could probably have a seizure at any moment.
It smells like flowers and stale cigarettes.
You should learn to line dance.
Its possible to be over dressed on the top and under dressed on the bottom.
Most people waddle.
Those who don't, ride scooters.
Rat tails and mullets are still super cool looking no matter what anyone says!
There are ashtrays in every bathroom stall but no soap in the dispenser.
Every 5th person wears an Ed Hardey shirt.
If you have puke on your shoe you don't stop to clean it up because the slots are calling!!
The only place they don't allow booze is where they serve food. Cuz you know who would want a drink while they are eating?
If you are a man of a certain age and want a classy place to take your blond twenty something girlfriend without your wife finding out. . . this is your place!
Fanny packs are a great way to stay fashionably organized.
Bras are an optional accessory.
Clothes come in all sizes. All the way from meth extra small to Coleman tent.

Random Wonderings...

2009-09-03T08:51:00.002-05:00

Does everyone have someone in their life that when you see them your first reaction is, "man I just want to punch you in the face right now."

Cuz I have a person like that and they are about ready to make me snap.

Poor children

2009-08-28T08:43:00.005-05:00

Max is ALWAYS sick! Since the day he was born he's been a puking, coughing, ear infectioning mess. I just worry about him so much. Like this morning as he "refluxed" all over my floor while coughing on all of his phlegm I caught my self for a brief moment wondering if something was seriously wrong with my baby. Like seriously wrong. Like what if all of this is just symptoms of some underlying horrible condition that will plague him for the rest of his days. or worse. gulp!

I bitch about it all the time. The constant whining, the neediness, the hot puke running down my arm. My patent response is "come on max!" with a long drawn out "coooommme ooooooon!" But I think I'm just responding that way because I feel so absolutely inadequate. I don't know what to do to make him all better and that hurts worse than anything I've ever felt.

And then poor Shane got sick yesterday too. Poor boy had a stomach virus and a fever. He's all better now and gets to pick out a toy today because he took his medicine last night like a big boy. Yeah I totally bribe my kids without shame.

These children have me as a parent. They are so screwed. And I am so getting placed in a bad nursing home someday.

Sometimes I wonder about myself

2009-08-28T08:38:00.002-05:00

Recent events have made me wonder if its other women who are so different or if it is me that is just not like a lot of other women.

It made me wonder... have others ever been in a social situation where everyone is sitting around saying "oh yeah" or "totally understand" bla bla. and you are sitting there thinking "that is so NOT me". It's not bad/good/in-different. Just got me thinking.